View source for Phase 1: For You, the Replaceable Ones/Data Fragments

{{italic title|string=Phase 1: For You, the Replaceable Ones}}
== Virtual Experience Presentation ==
== Regarding Selcoms ==
{{enclose|align=left|<poem>
Welcome to the Selcom Shop poyooo! 
What's that?  You're asking what a Selcom is?  Come on, guest, you come to a Selcom Shop and start asking what a Selcom is?  Who are you, Kai*** Yuuzan poyoooooooo?!!! 
Umm, anyway, sir!  A Selcom is the ultimate in wearable technology!  It's a system that places a smartphone directly in your brain poyo! 
To start, valued customer, please attach this Selcom Sheet to the underside of your left upper arm poyo. 
Why your left upper arm, you ask?  ............ 
I don't know that poyoooo!!  All those brilliant researchers and engineers said to stick it there poyoooo!!  Don't ask me poyooooooo!! 
Okay, did you stick it on poyo?  How do you feel?  Can you see the display inside your brain poyo?  If you're one of those modern kids with a high P3 level, you should see a fresh image right away poyo. 
If you can't see it at all, or if it's fuzzy and you can't see it too well, I recommend adjusting your Internal 8MS, undergo PP training, or else give it up already poyooo! 
Just kidding poyo.  I recommend our beginner's course called Easy PP Training for Selcom poyo!  Try taking that if you suck poyo! 
Now then, if you can see an image, you just need to answer some questions with your mental tablet poyo! 
You can't use your mental tablet well?!  For customers like you, I recommend our beginner's course called Mental Tablet Training poyo! 
Were you able to fill it in poyo?  Then congratulations!  Welcome to the world of Selcom poyo! 
Now, you can browse the whole world's internet inside your head, and send and receive messages poyo!! 
And you can install whatever apps you want, from apps that can save anything you see with the naked eye as an image, to facial recognition apps, to game apps and video search apps poyo!  However, running apps simultaneously will put stress on your brain, so I recommend starting slow poyooo. 
Also!  With your plan, you get the communication app "Keropoyo" pre-installed poyo! No matter how much you hate me, I can't be erased, so sorry about that poyo! *keeero*kero*kero*kero*! 
Okonogi: "This Selcom stuff is all about dependence!  It's the defeat of humanity, you fools!" 
Miyao: "Here comes Okonogi's Selcom allergy again..." 
Chloe: "He says that, but he's using it too.  It's not fair...＞＜" 
Okonogi: "The human brain is a muscle!  It gets stronger the more you use it, and weaker the more dependent you are! You keep looking everything up on the net, saving it as data without trying to memorize it!  Keep that up, and you'll become a Selcom human!" 
Okonogi: "You Selcom brats, if your Selcom breaks down, what would you even be able to do, until you got to a Selcom Shop to get it fixed?!  You'd get stuck trying to diddle yourself while you piddle yourself!! Don't let your brain slack off!! Brains are all about guts!!  Learn with your brain, with your body! Muscles muscles, /
 brains brains!!" 
Miyao: "I don't even know what he's saying anymore..." 
Chloe: "Ahahaha...  But I understand what he's trying to say.  A Selcom isn't something people are born with.  His point is that, if we rely on it too much, then what good are we as humans...?" 
Miyao: "Well, I'm not sure that's much of a problem in the AOU, where humans are born in electric incubators." 
Chloe: "After all, humans are animals that can't live without clothing..." 
Okonogi: "This era takes memorization too lightly!  In my day, there was no Selcom!  When we memorized stuff, all we had to rely on was our guts!  Our multiplication tables, historical timelines, the periodic table, the value of pi!  But when you learn something with guts, you'll never forget it!!  I still know pi to 30 digits even without a Selcom!!  3.14159265359......" 
Miyao: "Lame, he got the 11th place after the decimal wrong...  And anyway, memorization is only one of the brain's powers, right?  If the last generation's education system gave out grades for that one ability alone, isn't that pretty pathetic?" 
The appearance of Selcom brought an end to the idea of education through memorization. 
However, there were still many adults who incorrectly assumed that toiling to memorize things was the same as studying... 
People who suffer have the bad habit of wanting to make the next generation suffer the same way.  And in particular, people who work extremely hard for relatively little benefit tend to assume that suffering is the most essential part of training. 
Older people like that must have hated Selcom technology quite a lot... 
Chloe: "Selcom fundamentally destroyed the education system's purpose and significance...  But I understand what the Instructor is trying to say." 
Chloe: "We are humans, after all.  ...I think it's wrong to take the power of life lightly." 
Miyao: "...The power...of life." 
Miyao: "Well, it's true that only humans can perform a Dreissig Conversion." 
Chloe: "That's right.  We're only able to become Gauntlet Knights because we're humans, right?" 
Spiritium is the power source of this new era, extracted from the planet. 
And the most efficient method of transforming it into energy...is the Dreissig Conversion. 
Only humans could do that.  Robots and drones couldn't. 
So, the power of the Gauntlet Knights...was the power of life. 
...I'm pretty sure Dad said something like that. 
What do you know, that's pretty cool... 
Miyao: "So, you shouldn't take the power of life lightly, huh?  ...That's seriously cool, Chloe." 
Chloe: "Huh?  Th-Thank you very much...!" 
Search suggestions activated poyo! 
Miyao: "Huh?  What's this?  I just got a search suggestion." 
Could it be that the line you're looking for is "Don't you dare take the power of life lightly!" poyo?! 
Miyao: "Hmm?  That sounds pretty close?  Is that from something?" 
It is poyo!!  With 98% confidence, the source of that line has been identified as the adult women's comi- 
Chloe: "Don't you dare search for stuff on your own, you shitty frooooooog, karate chooooooooop＞＜" 
Miyao: "...D-Did I really do something so bad...that it deserved...two karate chops......" 
Your Selcom has encountered an error poyo?!  I suggest you reboot poyooo, *croak*croak* 
Chloe: "...Sorry, Miyao...  You only have that Outie Frog to blame.  Amen." 
Okonogi: "......Ch-" 
Chloe: "Lo...?" 
Okonogi: "Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!  What do you think you're doing while someone's lecturing youuuuuuuuuuuu?!!!  Time for a stunning Okonogi divine retribution spirit-raising chooooooooop!!!" 
Chloe: "Aiiieeeeeeeeeeee...!!!"
</poem>}}

== The Okonogi Crappy Collage Grand Prix ==
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You've received one email from "Miyao" poyo! 
Miyao: "This is a bit sudden, but I'm starting a Crappy Collage Grand Prix featuring Instructor Okonogi." 
"Jayden" has accepted your request poyo! 
"Lilja" has accepted your request poyo! 
"Koshka" has accepted your request poyo! 
"Gunhild" has accepted your request poyo! 
"Chloe" has accepted your request poyo! 
One after another, at the speed of light, messages from all the Warcats and Grave Moles came, accepting his offer. 
Then, they entered the virtual room one after another. 
Jayden: "Damn that Okonogi, nagging and complaining on and on like that!" 
Lilja: "It really gets on my nerves meoow!! Gyaaaow, hhsssssss!!!" 
Chloe: "E-Everyone, let's calm down...  I'm sure the Instructor's just trying to give us a lesson with tough love, and-" 
Koshka: "*kero*kero*kero*!!! *keeero*kero*croak*croak*!!!" 
Miyao: "That's some serious *kero*kero*!  Aaah, it pisses me off! *kero*kero*kero*!" 
Gunhild: "`*kero*kero*kero*! *keero*kero*kero*!!' *giggle*giggle*" 
Kizuna would automatically transform certain forbidden words into the croaking of a frog. 
Because of that, whenever people started hurling abuse at each other, it sounded like a chorus of frogs had suddenly appeared. 
This idiotic feature had settled so many fights between kids with laughter that it had even won the Ig Bernhard Prize... 
And, outside the virtual room where this chorus of frogs was going on, ...Instructor Okonogi's "very important" scolding continued on and on. 
Okonogi: "Hey, you there, stop dozing off!!  This is why you'll screw up when you get to the real thing!!  Because your mind's slack, when the time comes, blah blah blah!!  This is why you kids are blah blah!!  Blah blah blah blah blah!!!" 
He had told them to do a little demonstration for a bigwig who had unexpectedly shown up. 
Well, if you tell people to do something like that without any warning, it's only natural that things won't go as planned. 
In fact, since this was obvious from his perspective, he had told his superiors beforehand that he couldn't be asked to do the impossible. 
Anyway, it had ended up with him getting embarrassed and so on and so on. 
So for the rest of the day, he had told them to stop all their training and gather in the lecture hall, so that all the Gauntlet Knights on the base could hear His Excellency the Mighty Instructor Okonogi's veeery important scolding... 
Well, if he was going to unfairly make them stand at attention this long, ...then he no longer had any right to complain. 
Even if the kids started holding a Crappy Collage Grand Prix inside their heads! 
The next instant, one image after another was displayed, all of them swimsuit models with Okonogi's face crudely shopped on. 
Miyao had created them, while being bored by Okonogi's lecture. 
Jayden: "Yikes, what a hack job!!  Gyahahahaha...!!!" 
Lilja: "Even I can make stuff like this meow!  Hyah!" 
Surreal crappy collage memes, which existed all over the net, were displayed one after another with Okonogi's face pasted over the original subject. 
Miyao: "Wahahaha!!  That's nice, wahahaha!!" 
Chloe: "Y-You shouldn't laugh...  Ahahahahah!" 
Gunhild: "Chloe, please make sure you don't laugh in reality." 
Chloe: "I-I know that...!  Haah, haah, my chest hurts...!" 
Koshka: "Then I'll give it a shot too." 
Gunhild: "Me too." 
By now, there was no stopping the onslaught of edited images. 
It didn't even matter what the original image was about, as long as it had his face slapped onto it.  Even if it wasn't human. 
Each and every thing became a sloppy collage with Okonogi's face. 
By now, so much of the world was overflowing with Okonogi that it was leading towards a Gestaltzerfall phenomenon. 
Then, Okonogi became the default, and he himself became the source of the edited photos. 
It was an Okonogi panic!  By now, nothing made sense! 
The whole planet was overwritten by Okonogi, and escaping from Okonogi had become this world's crisis, its mission, its fate! 
Jayden: "Ahyahyahyahyahya!!  Okonogi, Okonogi's spinning round and round?!?!?" 
Miyao: "I've got an extra helping, a full plate of Okonogis!!!" 
Lilja: "Hyahyahyaah!!  Okonogi clickeeeeer!!  One click is 50,000 taps, for a rate of 8,943,500,000,000,000 Okonogis per second?!?!" 
Gunhild: "...Aah, it's too late.  The dopamine has fused with my Okonogi receptors and I'm having an Okonogi trip..." 
Koshka: "Heheheheh, I used Chloe's face instead of Okonogi's?!?!" 
Chloe: "Woohoooooo, let's see what Okonogi thinks of this crazy shoooooooop!!" 
"Chloe" sent one image to "Instructor Okonogi". 
Ah.................. 
Okonogi: "Hmm?  Who sent me an email just now?" 
Of course, Okonogi knew that Chloe had sent it.  He glared at her. 
Yes, at that moment, Chloe's face was as white and flat as a plastic cutting board...! 
Furthermore, the pic she had sent was from the poster of a certain suspense romance movie that had been a big hit the previous year. 
The heroine's face had been replaced with Chloe's, and the main character holding her from behind had Okonogi's face... 
To make an image like this and send it to the person in question...was a harsh trial indeed. 
These days, even grade schoolers new to love didn't do things like that... 
And now, Chloe's white face was spouting steam and turning red. 
...If only Okonogi had turned red too, as he walked briskly towards her... 
Okonogi: "Ch-" 
Chloe: "Lo-?" 
Okonogi: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" 
Chloe: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppp?!?!" 
Zzdddgggsshabwagoooooon. 
A blow more than powerful enough to split the heavens and the earth was dealt upon the top of Chloe's head... 
</poem>}}
== Training with Grave Mole ==
== Regarding Rejection Shield ==
== Stinky Food Showdown ==
== Koshka's WanyaDora Showdown ==
== Scolding Withdrawn Syndrome ==
== Earthquake Restoration Lottery ==
== Mind Your Matters In Competitive Games! ==
== Training with Grave Mole 2 ==
== Siblings' day ==
== The Nation Where Ciconia Don't Cry ==
== Gunhild and Miyao ==
== Auxiliary Major General Gustafsson ==
== The Revelation of Saint Ioánnis ==

[[Category:Ciconia no Naku Koro ni]]
[[Category:Data Fragments]]